Joint custody can be daunting. Your life is upside down. You have a weird schedule. You don’t see your kids every day. You have to figure out how to make it all work. Co-parenting well is worth the effort, and it doesn’t have to be a nightmare. We’re going to cover two main categories to make co-parenting an experience of growth: attitude and communication.

Attitude is the Foundation          

The right attitude lays the foundation for a lifelong relationship with your children. Society today is often focused on immediate gratification, but you’re going to be their Dad for the rest of your life. Helping them know you love them, no matter how difficult your situation, will lay the groundwork for them to be proud to call you their friend and their dad when they reach adulthood.

Getting married made you part of each other’s families, and getting divorced doesn’t change that, especially for your children. Keeping this simple truth in mind will help you focus on ways to move forward toward peace with your children’s mother and give your children the security of knowing they don’t have to stop loving you, their mom, or their extended family just because the marriage didn’t work out.

Highlighting the positive isn’t always easy in the middle of a difficult divorce, but it is important. A family law attorney Jacksonville can help with mediation to take some of the contention out of the situation. Here are some other things to keep in mind that will help you maintain a positive outlook for your children.

• You loved her once – No one marries someone they don’t love, even if it ends in divorce. Try to remember why you loved her.

• Ask for and offer forgiveness – Whether the issues were serious like abuse, addiction or adultery, or simply irreconcilable difference, you both suffered and inflicted hurt. Admitting you’re sorry for the hurt you caused and forgiving the hurt she caused you clears the air.

• Friendship – Just as nobody marries someone they don’t love, most likely you were friends once. Contrary to popular culture, divorce and friendship aren’t mutually exclusive, and friendship gives your children stability. You may not be at a point where that is possible now, but it could be something to work toward.

With a positive attitude that puts your children first, you can set about making your children’s home a safe haven for them, whether they are at your house or hers.

Communication Builds a Home

Open communication builds that sense of home for your kids, and it starts with communication with their mother. This helps coordinate special events, keeps you apprised of school progress and activities, and makes you aware of any struggles the kids may have. You may not be at a point of friendship, you may not even feel like speaking to her, but keeping a good attitude in mind, don’t fight, don’t bicker and don’t avoid talking. If you do, all of you will suffer for it, especially the kids.

Keeping the lines of communication open with the children is also vitally important. You are their father. They need to know they can ask you questions, share their thoughts and depend on you to listen. Some tips to get the conversations going:

• Be honest with them.

• Ask questions – Demonstrate an interest in them. If you notice a change in behavior, gently seek the reason.

• Don’t get angry or hurt – If they lash out, withdraw or hurt your feelings, remember you’re the adult. They aren’t trying to hurt you. They love you. They are still learning to handle their emotions. Set the example.

• Counseling – If they are really struggling, consider family counseling. Speak to their mom, speak to them, and if needed, speak to a family law attorney in Jacksonville to find what works for all of you. Kenny Leigh and Associates has six offices serving Jacksonville, Fleming Island, Daytona, Gainesville, Fort Walton Beach, and Boca Raton, Florida.

Keeping the lines of communication open with the children’s extended family and friends is important, too. Encourage the children to keep in touch with grandparents, aunts, uncles, and family friends. Be sure to convey the need for a positive focus to the adults.

It is easier to focus on keeping your children first and putting your life in order if you aren’t worried about the legal details of custody and divorce. A good lawyers that can guide you through the logistics is essential. Kenny Leigh and Associates is a family law firm with attorneys in Jacksonville, Gainesville, Fleming Island, Daytona, Fort Walton Beach, and Boca Raton, serving all of North and South Florida.