Going through a divorce can be one of the most stressful situations you have to deal with in life, and if a child is involved, they can often feel like they are caught in the middle or worse. Because they may not fully understand, this unneeded stress can impact their ability to properly function at school. Paying attention to your child's needs by offering consolation and honest explanations is imperative.
Leave the divorce details out of the home setting. Kenny Leigh & Associates, the largest men only family law attorney Jacksonville FL has to offer, will work with you to ensure your divorce has a minimal impact on your child. Both parents should focus as much attention back on the child. Not only does this give mom and dad something positive to focus on, but it reinforces your love for your child and answers any lingering doubts or questions that may negatively impact your child.
Kenny Leigh & Associates family law attorneys recommend that you tell your child about your divorce before telling anyone else in the community. It's much worse for your child to find out about the divorce from kids at school. Divorce can sometimes be embarrassing for children, so work with your child on how to tell their friends at school. Your child is likely to have tons of questions about what's happening with mom and dad. Instead of trying to explain every detail about why you're getting a divorce, attempt to explain it to your child in a way that reinforces your love for them.
Words of Affirmation
Some of the first questions they may have are "why" from "why is this happening" to "why do you not love each other," these questions stem from their belief that, if mom and dad stop loving each other, they might stop loving their child too. Children are looking for parents to reaffirm their eternal love for them. They don't care as much about divorce details as they do about knowing that their parents will always be there for them. It's important to reassure your child that your love for them is much different from the love between parents, and keep the divorce details simple.
Explain that mom and dad once thought that they would be happily married forever and that the best thing that came out of that marriage was them. Stress how happy you are that you had your child, tell them that mom and dad are not happy living together anymore, and that it's best to live apart. Tell your child how much you love them, explain that you want things to be as normal as possible, and ask if they have any concerns.
Answer their Questions but Keep it Simple
Children will also often ask if the divorce is their fault. The simplest approach is to tell them that this is only between mom and dad, and that they had absolutely nothing to do with it. Back this statement up by not arguing over things like who's going to take your kid to soccer practice. This only reinforces your child's view that it's their fault.
While at school, your child is likely to see other parents together and wonder why their parents aren't together. Take a proactive approach to this and answer the question before it enters their mind. Try to explain to your child that not all parents stay together forever because sometimes it's just easier to get along if parents aren't living together. But remember to stress that a parent's love for a child is different, and remind them that you will never divorce them.
Other Steps to Consider
Make sure to notify the school of the shared custody situation so there is no confusion. Also make a list detailing who will pick up your child on which days and give a copy to the school. Update your emergency contact numbers and addresses as well, if they have changed.
It's important to form a support team for your child at school. Clue teachers, guidance counselors and administrators in on what's going on in your family. If the faculty knows the extent of the situation, they can more easily console your child as well as be more sensitive to their academic and emotional needs. Faculty members can also provide insight into a child's behavior and performance that you may miss due to the hectic situation.
When it comes time to attend parent-teacher conferences, both parents should go together. This also goes for other events like school sports, productions and ceremonies. Suppress negative emotions towards each other by remembering to focus your attention on your child.
If you are looking for a family law attorney in Jacksonville, Gainesville, Daytona, Fleming Island or Boca Raton FL, contact Kenny Leigh & Associates, who handles family law cases for men only. Kenny Leigh & Associates has offices in Jacksonville, Gainesville, Fleming Island, Daytona and Boca Raton. We serve all of Northeast Florida and South Florida.