Most men, after they have been through the wringer of divorce, begin to lose direction as dads. In most cases, the emotional upheaval of losing the physical custody of their children to their ex-wives results in their inability to cope with the same. They often begin to enter into despair with the thought of remaining emotionally close and relevant in their children’s lives. This leaves them trying to do too much or not enough to remain in contact with their children and the children often end up just confused and hurt.

There is no need for despair. Here’s how to be the Superman Dad even after divorce:

Once the custody, child support and visitation plan are agreed upon, make arrangements to stick to it. Missing an important event in your young child’s life, even if it’s just a musical recital at school or a softball game, to your son or daughter, it is a major setback. Your child, who is already hurt and confused, will read it as a sign that you don’t care, and quite often, an embittered ex-wife might add to it by pointing out that you’re busy with your new life as a single man or with your new love. Children are vulnerable, and so don’t break a promise once you give your word.

There may be extenuating circumstances like work pressure or a missed flight, but to a child, they don’t matter. If and when you make a commitment to be at an event for your son or daughter, do whatever it takes to be there for them. This is the only way forward if you want to be a dad who is relevant and close to his children even after divorce.

Do not give your ex-wife room to question your commitment. Too many missed weekends and ball games will give her a chance to challenge your visitation rights, in a bid to stop disappointing the child perpetually. Courts take a dim view of fathers who are not sticking to the agreement reached over child custody, which might even lead to you losing all rights to your children. Make the effort to stay close to your home and connected to your children, without interfering in your ex-wife’s life. If your divorce was amicable, you can even offer to babysit when she has a date, and such steps will go a long way towards reinforcing in your children’s minds that Dad is still dad and welcome in their home. Many mature parents can and do make joint custody work, in an effort to not hurt their children anymore than necessary.

You can plan fun outings on your planned weekend visits. Arrange for your family to meet and stay in touch with your children after the divorce so that they don’t lose the emotional support of their grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. Remember, ‘quality over quantity’. If you have them for an alternate holiday, like Thanksgiving or Christmas, plan a huge party, with activities that they will enjoy. If you put in the effort, you can make even one or two weekends a month more memorable for them and also help them be reassured that their relationship with you is important to you.

For instance, if you missed being at their birthday party, hire a bouncy house the next weekend they spend with you; invite their friends over, arrange for a themed party. When they return to school on Monday, you will be the most popular father in the class! Take them for a favorite outing that you use to do as a family before divorce; this will help them to feel a sense of continuity and that things are still the same, even though you don’t live with them anymore. Children of divorced parents need this constant reassurance, especially as many tend to blame themselves for the parents splitting up.

At Kenny Leigh & Associates, we are committed to helping divorced men stay relevant in their children’s lives. We are painfully aware of the sad fact that most often the Family Courts tend to favor the mother and so we constantly fight for the Dad’s rights. If you are thinking of divorce and want to ensure that you don’t lose your rights with regard to your children, call us today. We operate from five different locations in Florida, including Jacksonville; they are Boca Raton, Gainesville, Fleming Island and Daytona Beach.

By Kenny Leigh