6 Do's to Being a Stepdad - Part 1

Going through a divorce isn't easy. Once you start back into the dating world, you may meet someone who has children. Later down the line, these children become your stepchildren. This is a very special relationship and takes some patience, understanding and a lot of love. These helpful do’s of being a step day can assist you greatly.

1. Do Spend Time Doing What They Like
They may want their biological father at their sporting events, but that doesn't mean they don't want you there, too. Go to their baseball games and dance recitals. If they like to go bowling, why not plan a Saturday family bowling day? The zoo is fun for everyone. The important thing is making an effort to have fun with them. The more active you are in spending time with them, the more they will warm up to you. Don't hesitate to invite them to spend time doing what you love, whether it be fishing, biking or tennis.

2. Do Open up the Line of Communication
Your new stepchildren might be hesitant to accept you in their lives. That doesn't mean you give up, instead approach them. Let them know you're here to listen and to advise when they need it. Let them know you care about them and how they're feeling.

3. Do Respect their Mother's Wishes
If their mother thinks eating chocolate before dinner and staying up past 9 on a school night are acceptable, you have to respect her wishes, even if she's only trying to keep up with what the other parents are doing. Don't undermine her authority. If you do have concerns, you should express them to her only when the children aren't around. Never tell the children they can do something just to be the "cool" step dad. While you might be scoring brownie points with the kids, your relationship with their mother may suffer because of it.

4. Do Be a Dad
Do act like a father to the children. Treat them like you would/do treat your own children; never insist they call you dad though. They probably already have a father, who they love, so don't step on his toes. There may come a time when they call you dad, but don't expect it to happen right away or force it upon them. To be a dad, you should help them with their homework and teach them new skills. You should inquire about their day and take an interest in their schooling.

5. Do Respect Their Privacy
If you have kids of your own, you may have dealt with the fact that preteens and teenagers need their space. If not, here's the time to learn about boundaries and respect. Don't enter their rooms without knocking and don't listen in on their telephone calls. If you want step children who resent you – or if you really want to hear the dreaded "You're not my real dad," – overstepping boundaries will surely accomplish this.  

6. Do Set a Good Example
You're a vital person in the children's lives now. They look up to you. Make sure you give them something worth looking up to. For instance, don't partake in negative behaviors such as recreational drugs, obsessive gambling or binge drinking. If you smoke, do it outside. Watch your language around younger children who may repeat profanities or foul language.

Being a step parent isn't easy, but keep in mind that being a stepchild isn't always easy either. By being a good role model, someone they can talk to and by taking the time to get to know them, you can become a great step dad.

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