Attempting to enjoy the holiday after a divorce can be a challenging time for either spouse. Many times, families create their own unique identity and levels of expectation in celebrating special occasions. Your new divorce may require that you change your level of expectations, restructure the family identity, and create new ways of enjoying the time of year.
Back in the better days of a marriage, many of the holidays were celebrated in ways that will always be happily remembered. Realizing that those times no longer exist can generate major stress for the entire family that might be attempting to enjoy the holiday, especially once the couple has divorced.
For divorced families, the amount of stress and anxiety can be too much to handle. Having to participate in the ritual of the seasons, including those at church and school, can bring back fond memories and generate a depressing mood for times that no longer exist. Triggers can arise in a variety of ways including when families gather, through correspondence, or through baking seasonal delights and exchanging gifts.
Before making decisions on exactly how you are going to handle the holidays, it is important to read through the final orders of your marriage dissolution and re-read what it says. During your dissolution you both most likely came to some arrangements on exactly how the two of you would handle the holidays with your children.
Those arrangements might include:
Alternating Holidays – Many families choose to alternate each holiday where one of the divorced parents takes the children on even years and the other on odd years. However, alternating a holiday might lead to disappointment that hurts the spouse who is left out and also could hurt the children. It might be better to develop realistic expectations and find better solutions for celebrating the holidays.
Splitting the Holiday – Some families choose to split the holiday as an option for their children and themselves. While this works well for some families, others with a hectic schedule simply do not have the time to spend with their family to make it most meaningful to the children.
Spending It Together – Some divorced couples can see past their own disagreements and take the time to spend the holidays together with their children. This works well for those individuals that are past their hurt feelings and can focus their energy on their loved ones.
Every one of these scenarios can generate potential of extreme stress and anxiety. However, with a little forethought, maturity, and compassion for your family you may be able to find an option that can create a stress-free holiday season.
Back in the better days of a marriage, many of the holidays were celebrated in ways that will always be happily remembered. Realizing that those times no longer exist can generate major stress for the entire family that might be attempting to enjoy the holiday, especially once the couple has divorced.
For divorced families, the amount of stress and anxiety can be too much to handle. Having to participate in the ritual of the seasons, including those at church and school, can bring back fond memories and generate a depressing mood for times that no longer exist. Triggers can arise in a variety of ways including when families gather, through correspondence, or through baking seasonal delights and exchanging gifts.
Before making decisions on exactly how you are going to handle the holidays, it is important to read through the final orders of your marriage dissolution and re-read what it says. During your dissolution you both most likely came to some arrangements on exactly how the two of you would handle the holidays with your children.
Those arrangements might include:
Alternating Holidays – Many families choose to alternate each holiday where one of the divorced parents takes the children on even years and the other on odd years. However, alternating a holiday might lead to disappointment that hurts the spouse who is left out and also could hurt the children. It might be better to develop realistic expectations and find better solutions for celebrating the holidays.
Splitting the Holiday – Some families choose to split the holiday as an option for their children and themselves. While this works well for some families, others with a hectic schedule simply do not have the time to spend with their family to make it most meaningful to the children.
Spending It Together – Some divorced couples can see past their own disagreements and take the time to spend the holidays together with their children. This works well for those individuals that are past their hurt feelings and can focus their energy on their loved ones.
Every one of these scenarios can generate potential of extreme stress and anxiety. However, with a little forethought, maturity, and compassion for your family you may be able to find an option that can create a stress-free holiday season.
By Kenny Leigh
